Where do you draw the line when it comes to letting people know your boundaries, whether they are acquaintances or complete strangers? It is this question that I am asking myself in the morning. To avoid conflicts, I’ve been very passive and given people the benefit of doubt when they cross a line.
If you feel someone has “overstepped” your boundaries, it is important to address this in order to prevent future instances of such behavior. What is the best way to say this without making them feel bad?
I’ll give you an example. You are in a relationship that is monogamous. Your life is very fulfilling and you are happy. No desire to be sexually attracted by other men/women. However, you find yourself in the presence of someone who doesn’t seem to understand this. The person is leering in your direction. The benefit of doubt is yours if you don’t say anything.
Maybe he/she isn’t aware that they are leering.
You are making the situation worse by not saying anything. This person is watching your breasts/butt/crotch instead of your face. You find them while swimming laps, even when your partner is there. You don’t say anything when he/she “innocently invades” your private space.
Maybe that’s how they behave in the country where he/she is from.”
You don’t even see the person invading someone else’s personal space. It escalates until he/she is leaning over your shoulder looking at something, and then you just can’t stand it.
You can see my I-Phone but don’t stand over me. I will get scared.
It’s a problem I have dealt with and “Don’t lean on me” was my response. assertion left me feeling downright mean. This situation was handled better than it should have been. It got way beyond my boundaries, so I reacted in unnecessarily harsh ways.

It’s interesting that I studied women and men and found that those who didn’t experience these uncomfortable situations had a confident “vibe”, a feeling that was direct and not rude, but very warm. They seemed to be saying without even saying it, “Don’t entertain the notion that you could cross the line when dealing with me.”
This type of averstance, confident energy is something I admire. What is that specific vibe that you get?
What I have noticed about these people
Pose yourself in a good posture
A position that says, “I’m open and friendly and very confident of myself.” “I’m not a wishy-washy person, I am clear about what I believe and what I will never stand for.”
Direct eye contact
This seems to say “I’m intelligent, attentive and very aware of the surroundings around me.” If you are the type of person that likes to “slip beneath the radar” by using body language or glances, you might want to think twice before doing it.
This is a physical attribute that I try to embody to make a positive impression and to deter others from crossing boundaries. What is it about the way one feels about themselves and others that gives off this kind of warm and direct energy?
As of right now, my answer is:
Today I was given some information that confirms that the only way to get answers is if you are willing to listen.
Jack Canfield, author of Chicken Soup For The Soul and motivational speaker, said: “Our objective on this planet is to increase our wisdom and our capacity to grow in uncomfortable situations, as well as to enhance our love.” You can love someone who fits your standards of what you consider a good person. Even if some of their characteristics are not appealing, it takes maturity and openness for you to accept them as they truly are. It does not mean you have to tolerate someone treating you badly. It doesn’t mean that you have to condemn someone or add them to the “shite-list.” It’s important to approach the situation as a way to discover more about yourself. You should not hesitate to express what you have learned. It is important to be able to express your feelings with confidence, while also showing respect and compassion for the other person.